Responsibility is Soooo Sexy

The other day I was talking to my teenage son about something that didn’t quite work out the way he wanted.  My response to him was,  ‘Oh man. I get it.  That’s such a tough lesson to learn.  You probably already know this, but can you see that it’s your responsibility to set boundaries?’ 

He got so mad at me for saying that.  He was really irritated.  

He took ‘taking responsibility’ as a bad thing,  like I was blaming him, saying he was wrong, that he failed, or that his undesirable outcome was solely his fault.   I took a deep breath and explained.  ‘What happened to you meant a lot, right?  And you’re upset because someone mistreated your stuff, right?  Unfortunately, no one will care for your things the way you do.  So if you don’t want that to happen again, it’s up to you to keep it safe.  That’s your responsibility.’  

That didn’t go well; he still felt blamed.   My husband had to intervene because my words just kept pissing him off.  At that moment, he thought ‘taking responsibility’ was a bad thing.  

In our society (especially in school), we have a misconstrued concept of taking responsibility for our lives as if it’s a bad thing to do.  Here’s another example.

I’m in the lobby waiting for my annual mammogram, half-listening to the TV monitor looping a video about breast health. I heard the radiologist being interviewed say something along the lines that studies have shown that women do not need to do self-exams because they don’t know what they’re feeling for. It’s the radiologist’s job to detect any abnormalities in the breast.  The onus is on the radiologist, not the woman, to detect any changes in her breasts.

I perked up because I thought surely I heard him wrong.  The woman conducting the interview said something like, ‘That’s great that you’re taking such care but shouldn’t women still do their self-exams, anyway? I mean, it is their bodies.’  His response was, ‘Yes, but it’s up to the radiologist to detect cancer.’ 

What the actual f*ck?!  

I was shocked!!!  Why would anyone give away such power to another person?!  Is this some Jedi mind trick?!  Ultimately, the radiologist is the expert in reading the mammogram results, but don’t we also have a responsibility?  After all, they are my boobs.   

And yet, I see it time and time again—talented, well-trained, high-achieving artists giving away their power by not taking full responsibility for their artistry, wealth, joy, purpose, and well-being.  You can probably see that the greatest gift you can give yourself is the gift of total and complete responsibility for your own life.  Who knows your life, desires, needs, pains, and body better than you do?  No one!  

One of the biggest things I focus on with my clients is showing them that taking responsibility for their careers, lifestyle offstage, purpose, and joy is totally an inside job.  No one will do it better. No one.  No spouse, parent, agent/manager, director/choreographer. No one. 

Responsibility is sexy, y’all.  Honestly, it is.  Here are six ways to make taking responsibility totally sexy in your life.  By the end of this list, you’ll come to see how practicing these simple steps will drastically improve your life.  

1. Stop blaming others.  This one is tough.  We’ve come to believe that someone outside ourselves is responsible for our misfortune.  Blaming others for your life places you in the center of victimhood.  By being a victim, you are giving away your personal power.  When you stop playing the blame game, you go from victimhood to victory.
2. You—and you alone—are in charge of your thoughts, feelings, words, and actions. Often, I hear people say, ‘They made me feel like ...’  or ‘She made me do ...’  The truth is, no one can make you feel or do anything unless you have accepted it as your reality. Just like you can’t make someone feel a certain way, no one can make you feel a certain way. This is true freedom!  You are responsible for yourself and you alone.  Nothing—absolutely nothing you do or say—can make a person happy or piss someone off. So let that shit go! 
3. When you take responsibility for your life, You get to decide how your life goes.  Once you realize that you and you alone are responsible for your happiness, you get to choose how you want to live.  The sky’s the limit.  
4. There is calm and inner peace.  When you take responsibility for your life, you no longer feel powerless and tossed around like a ragdoll.  You have certainty that life will always be okay because you are in control of your thoughts, actions, and feelings.  
5. You get to stop taking things personally.  What people say and do is their business.  It’s how they see the world.  It has everything to do with what they think and feel about life, and that, quite frankly, is none of your damn business.  So don’t take it on.  Don’t take it personally.  I sometimes teach my clients how to neatly pack up those old, tired beliefs that aren’t even theirs, like a pretty little gift, and give it right back to the person who gave it to them.  Buh bye.   
6. You have choices!  I used to think and say all the time,  ‘I don’t have a choice. I have to do it.’ When you begin to take responsibility for your life, you realize that you have nothing but choices.  You get to live life on your terms.  Do you want to live bi-coastal?  Move to Europe?  Become a director?  Monetize your personal brand with your performing career?  You have choices.  Can I get an amen?! 

So there you have it.  Can you see just how sexy responsibility is?  If you want the pdf version of these six steps, click here